I hope you can help me with a conundrum I am currently struggling with. As much as I try to live a normal life, every now and again my desires overwhelm me and I find myself seeking out kinky minded men to whip me! I’ve been with my wife five years, but nothing excites me like being whipped by other men and I’ve come to realise that I am homosexual. Sex with my wife has dwindled as I find my secret liaisons much more exciting, but I know she feels rejected and hurt. I feel bad that I am making her miserable. Should I tell her the truth or should I just try and make the best of it?
Your wife deserves to be with someone who truly treasures her and gives her the love and intimacy she craves. You also deserve to be true to yourself and live a life that makes you happy.
If one partner is sneaking around behind the others back then this is toxic to both parties and can only end badly for the both of you. I really feel you need to accept your sexual orientation and come clean to your wife, so you are both able make a fresh start and live the lives you were meant to, even if this means without each other.
Your wife may react angrily to start with, but you cannot help which sex you are attracted to and in the long term you will both be better off if you are honest. Living a lie is not truly living and you will always wonder what you both missed out on if you don’t face the music.
Thrills N Chills
Dear Aunt Kaz,
I’ve gotten myself into a bit of a pickle and really need your help! I’ve always been a thrillseeker and I enjoy driving around at night naked. Last week my neighbour caught me in my birthday suit and I was absolutely mortified and couldn’t think of a plausible excuse! I’m worried that she may something to my lesbian partner – what should I do?
Ooops! That does sound like a pickle Nina! Do you feel that your neighbour is likely to reveal your secret? Chances are she may be just as embarrassed as you are!
We all get up to naughty things sometimes, but the main thing that concerns me here is that you are keeping secrets from your partner. Is there something lacking in the relationship and what steps can you take to try and bring back the intimacy and excitement? Experimentation is even more fun when shared with a loving partner, so perhaps if you invest some of this naughty energy into your relationship, you may find that it will become more enriched.
I admit, I do fear for your safety too. I hope you always keep spare clothes in the car and an emergency charger in case you break down somewhere. Calling the AA could be a little embarrassing otherwise!
I gather from your e-mail that you are excited by exhibitionism. Is this something you can do with your partner? Many couples nowadays play on webcam with other couples and singles watching them. Of course, masks would keep your identities safe and would allow you to indulge your exhibitionistic streak in the safety of your own home.
As for your neighbour, I believe that any form of confrontation is only going to add fuel to the fire. Carry on as normal and learn from this error of judgement. We all make mistakes, that is called being human. Learning from them means we develop as people and grow stronger, so don’t beat yourself up too much.
A Crappy Dilemma!
My fetish is a little irregular you might say. I don’t know how to say this eloquently but basically I get off doing a poo over a woman. You might be surprised when I tell you I have no difficulty in finding willing candidates to do this with me either. The rusty trombone, dirty sanchez, blumpie, cleveland steamer – you name it, I love it! I know it’s a bit weird, but the biggest problem is that I’m in a homosexual relationship and have been with my boyfriend for six months. I was convinced that I was gay, but now I feel I am more attracted to females and wondering if I should tell my boyfriend or dump him? Also is coprophila/scat safe?
From your letter, I feel that you are unsure about your sexuality. I think it is highly possible that you are bisexual and attracted to both sexes.
Is it possible that you have simply fallen out of lust with your partner and are finding the woman you interact with more attractive?
If you feel that you can fix your relationship and you truly care for your partner then it’s worth working on. If however, you feel that the spark is no longer there and you have lost interest, then the fair and just thing to do is to bring the relationship with your partner to an end and let him down gently.
You ask me if coprophila/scat (playing with excrement) is safe. Well Todd, there is a reason that poo smells bad! It’s absolutely loaded with bacteria and there is a risk of contracting infectious diseases such as E coli, Salmonella, hepatitis A and E, plus various kinds of parasites such as pinworms, tapeworms, giardia and more besides! It’s not the best thing you can do for your health and it may leave you or your playmates feeling pretty shitty!
The risk increases if faecal matter comes into contact with even the minutest cuts or even if a trace amount is ingested internally or rubbed into an orifice. If a female’s vagina comes into contact with faecal matter it can also lead to urinary tract infections and if ingested it can cause dysentery if the erm…poo-er is carrying that bacteria.
I feel your attitude is a little careless but there are a few measures you can take to try and minimise the risks, such as wearing latex gloves and using condoms and dental dams. The thing is – however I try to dress this up though, the honest truth is that this is pretty risky business. It is also your responsibility to consider your playmates health and welfare when engaging in higher risk activities. I’ll leave that with you as food for thought.
Do you have a problem to share with Kaz? Email firstname.lastname@example.org