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This might sound like a strange problem. A while back, my husband suggested I pose for some saucy modelling photo’s and put them online. I was hesitant at first but my hubby took some great pictures of me and eventually I decided to upload them as he thought it would be a turn on and that we could make some extra cash from it.
I sold quite a lot of photo’s and my husband and I had great sex afterwards. It spiced things up in the bedroom for a while too. The problem came when I started to receive comments from men asking me out and commenting on my body. I reasoned that if my photo’s were out there for all to see, then of course some people may comment. My husband has taken it badly though and now insists he control my accounts and replies on my behalf. He gets angry for no reason and also checks my phone every day to make sure I’m not talking to other men. I understand that he may be feeling a little insecure, but he has instigated all of this and is now treating me as if I am a cheating wife! How do I deal with this please? This was only meant to be a fun side line for me, but it doesn’t seem worth the hassle. I’m thinking of giving up the modelling.
Nina, 29, Daggenham
Many men like the idea of having a trophy wife on their arm like a prized possession to boost their egos, but when it boils down to it, very few are able to handle other men looking at and contacting their partners.
Initially, it was a turn on for your husband to take photographs of you and say to the world “Hey this is my hot wife!”.
Once the realisation set in that other men find you attractive and could be potential rivals (in his mind at least) it has put a dent in his ego and brought out the alpha male in him that wants to keep his woman. Unfortunately, it seems that he is doing this by treating you as his possession and monitoring your every move which is extremely unhealthy in a relationship.
To an extent, it is nice that he wants to be involved, but not to the point that he controls everything you do. You need to nip this in the bud now before his behaviour becomes more controlling and erratic. Firstly, ask your husband what has made him feel insecure. It may be something that had not even occurred to you, so it is important to communicate and discover why he is feeling this way. Is it possible that you said something to set the wheels of paranoia in motion? You won’t know unless you ask him.
There may be a very simple explanation. By talking to your husband about this matter, instead of sweeping it under the carpet, it shows you care about his needs and feelings. If you are investing time into solving your problems and working on the relationship it may show him that you are invested in the relationship and not interested in other men.
Give him plenty of reassurance and this means making sure that you are attentive to your partner, and do not allow yourself to get so caught up in the excitement of your new project that you fail to understand your husband’s emotional needs.
If you cannot seem to reach a truce, then you need to address his controlling behaviour. Be kind but firm and explain to your husband that he has no reason to doubt you and that it is unhealthy to keep tabs on you 24/7. Reverse the situation and ask him how he would like it if you checked his phone every ten minutes to see if he was flirting with someone!
You should only give up the modelling if you feel it is the best thing to do, not just to keep the peace!