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Dear Kaz, I wonder if you can offer me some advice on my boring wife. Often, I’ll suggest we try a bit of anal but she always says no. Recently I suggested we swing with other couples as it might spice things up a bit and she refused. I said I would do it on my own if she refused as she never goes along with my plans. I need a bit more excitement but she won’t play ball and says I am selfish for asking her to do these things. How can I convince her she is wrong?
Bazza, 29, Romsey
Sorry I am with your wife on this one and I completely agree that you are selfish. It is clear to me that you are trying to manipulate your wife into doing the things you want to do, and threatening to sleep with other people if she does not comply is viciously cruel! You are using your wife’s reluctance to share her partner and body with others to justify cheating on her which is completely unacceptable in my book.
It is unfortunate that you are unable to recognise that you are treating your wife so badly and are convinced that you are in the right. I am here to tell you, it is simply not the case and your wife does not deserve this awful treatment which must make her feel so sad to be used in this way.
I do not think you need to go swinging right now or convince her that she is wrong. I think you do need some marriage counselling and to learn to compromise. Perhaps if you asked her what she would like to try in the bedroom instead of trying to enforce your own kinks, you might find your relationship improving. If you are not prepared to invest in this relationship, then you should find someone who shares your desires and allow your wife the freedom to find someone who can treat her the way she deserves.
Dear Mistress Kaz,
I am a recently divorced 45-year-old male and now I’m single, so instead of lying around being miserable, I have decided to try new things in life and find new experiences. I want to start experimenting with fetish. So far, I have dabbled with electrics which I rather enjoyed and recently I saw you post something about sounding rods on your Twitter profile. I understand that this has something to do with your urethra? Is it painful? I am thinking of trying it and whilst I like a little bit of pain, I don’t want to do something that’s going to leave me in agony. Can you offer me some guidance please?
Urethral sounding play is popular amongst many men and it certainly shouldn’t be painful if you are doing it right. First, you will need to prepare your equipment. In my opinion the best and most hygienic sounding rods are those made of stainless steel. To avoid passing bacteria into your urethra, you will need to boil them for ten minutes in water to ensure that they are sterile. Once your rods are ready, you will want to initially choose one that best fits your urethra. Do not go for one that is too small as this could encourage tears in the delicate skin of the urethra. You’ll also want to start with an erection as it will be much easier to start inserting the sounding rod into your urethral tube. Make sure you use a good dose of lubricant and then start to gently insert it inside, as deep as it will comfortably go. You can then gently pull it in and out. There are many nerve endings inside the urethra and you may find stimulating them to be a pleasurable experience. Take it slowly, don’t rush and top up with lube if needed. If you feel as if you are near ejaculation, then you will want to pull the tube out most of the way and then allow the force from your ejaculation to completely push the tube out. If the tube is still in to deep, it may cause your semen to go back inside which you want to avoid as this can spread bacteria.
Have fun, be safe and enjoy!