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I think I have created a monster.
I have probably been a bit selfish in the bedroom and arrived at my destination a bit quickly as I have been stressed with work this past year, so to make amends I bought my Missus a vibrator and now it’s backfired. She enjoyed the vibrator so much that she is now constantly buying new toys and has a collection to rival Ann Summers! I don’t get a look in and if I make a move on her she makes an excuse such as having a headache or being tired. It’s left me feeling unloved and rejected. Some days I feel like throwing all her gadgets and gizmos in a skip! How do I resolve this?
Tony, 39, Swansea
It does sound as if your wife is making up for being neglected in the bedroom, but that is no excuse for shutting you out and favouring her toys and gadgets over you. A relationship is a two-way street and is built on compromise, not one partner just pleasing themselves.
Does your wife use toys in front of you or disappear off when she feels frisky? Next time why don’t you suggest you play with them together? Toys can be even more fun when they are shared with a partner, there is no need for her to fly solo all the time.
If she doesn’t take the hint and makes an excuse, then you need to discuss this with her and find out why she is reluctant to include you in her playtime. Perhaps she doesn’t feel attractive anymore or perhaps she is just being lazy. You won’t know until you ask her.
Women stop wanting sex for all kinds of reasons and you need to get to the route of this, find out what went wrong and what you can do to fix this, together.
I would suggest you plan some couple time together for the two of you, low lighting, sexy music, and a bottle of wine in an icebucket. Try a slow and sensual seduction, stroke her, tell her how attractive you find her and much you miss making love to her.
You may need to show her that you can step it up in the bedroom and not just satisfy yourself. I’m sure the toys will come in handy for this so I wouldn’t be in a hurry to discard them just yet!
Dear Mistress Kaz
I’ve started an online relationship with a dominatrix which has been an incredible thrill! It began with her setting me kinky tasks to do at home and I would take photographs of myself in compromising positions and send them to her as proof that I had fulfilled my duties as a slave.
Now my Mistress has instructed me to go to my office job wearing a butt plug all day long and has threatened a chastity cage in the near future as well. I am so excited at the prospect of doing this but also a little nervous as you can imagine! I don’t want to upset my Mistress and I’m keen to push my limits, but do you think this will cause me problems at work?
Dean, 45, Humber
What sort of problems do you envisage? A butt plug falling down your trouser leg and at the feet of your area manager? A chastity cage rattling around underneath your trousers like the ghost of Christmas past? If so, then these problems can be easily remedied. If you think you would like to experiment and give this a trial run, then opt for a butt plug that is a good size and unlikely to slip out. I would suggest a slightly larger butt plug, as whilst you may think a tiny butt plug would be more discrete, it’s more likely to slip out and cause discomfort or even worse – embarrassment! Be sure to wear underpants that are reasonably tight on the bottom and around the legs and groin so you feel supported at all times.
You can buy all kinds of chastity cages, some which can be very discrete and made from plastic, which are unlikely to make a noise or create an obvious bulge. Do your research wisely and choose something discrete and comfortable.
I’m assuming that you spend most of your day seated at your office job rather than undergoing strenuous activity, so it may be slightly easier to get away with this than if you were a builder lifting blocks of cement!
Of course, you may be concerned that introducing these kinks will be a distraction for you at work and that is of course a possibility.
On the flipside, small adjustments to your daily schedule such as wearing a device may give you an extra reason to smile and keep you feeling motivated and perky all day long! Only you can decide if the distraction is too much. Trial your Mistress’s suggested kinks for a day and if you find your productivity takes a nose dive through the window, then call time on it and tell your domme that you can only enjoy playtime outside of work as it’s too big a distraction.
Try everything you are keen on once in life, as long as it is legal and if it doesn’t cause you any problems then you may have just found a great new kink! If you decide it’s not for you however and your Mistress is unable to see eye to eye on the matter, then simply find one who is more understanding of your circumstances.