In A Tight Squeeze
My husband and I love to go shopping for sex toys together and a while back we decided it would be a huge turn on if he watched me using a big black dildo on myself. It turns us both on so much that the sex afterwards is out of this world. The last couple of weeks though, I’ve started getting sore down there. How can I combat this?
I think it’s wonderful that you and your husband can share a naughty fetish together. If you are getting sore though, you are either not using the correct lube or you might even have an allergy to your dildo.
If it is merely a size issue, then a good silicon based lubricant will help ease the dildo’s passage inside and reduce friction. ID Millennium and Platinum Premium are two of the best lubes in my opinion, but be aware that you cannot use silicon based lubes with condoms as they degrade the latex. If you are using condoms then Liquid Silk is a good option.
Try using the toy a bit more gently and perhaps rather than using the toy inside the whole time, you could tease your husband by performing oral on the dildo as well during play time. Using a vibrator on your clitoris during play will also help your vagina release it’s own natural lubricant and relax your muscles, so that your vagina does not feel too tight.
It’s also possible that your toy may contain phthalates. Do you still have the box so you can check? Phthalates are chemicals that are harmful to the vagina and can cause irritation, redness and swelling. Find a toy that is phthalate free – anything made of medical grade silicon, glass or stainless steel is a much better option and won’t cause you any embarrassing problems down there.
Addicted To Danger
Dear Kaz, I was hoping you can help me.
For many years, I’ve loved getting dressed up in fetish gear and posting really compromising and embarrassing pictures of myself up on the internet.
All this would be OK if I were out of the closet, but I’m happily married, and my wife has no idea that I expose my crown jewels to thousands of fellow pervs every day on social media! I know that I am running a terrible risk of being recognised by a friend or a colleague, but I am addicted to the danger and the attention I receive. Am I crazy? Should I stop doing it? Or should I just confess all to my wife?”
You say that you have been doing this for years, so it sounds like you are in a bit too deep to suddenly just blurt it all out to your wife. This could be quite a shock for her!
Posting photo’s in itself is fairly harmless, but if you are posting pictures with your face showing then this definitely increases the risk of you being caught out.
My concerns lies within the phrase “I am addicted to danger and the attention I receive.” An addiction generally stems from boredom, a troubled past or unhappiness and I suspect you may be self medicating and using this as a distraction, rather than focusing on the problem that is troubling you. It sounds like a form of sex addiction and whilst it can seem exciting and can momentarily take you away from your troubles, in the long run it’s likely to cause you more headache.
I could suggest that you wear a mask when taking photo’s but I suspect you have gone beyond this and have come a little complacent. Are you almost secretly hoping that you will get caught so that you have reason to end the whole charade?
I want you to write a list this weekend then burn it. Write down the benefits you get from your online fun and then write a list of possible consequences if you get caught. It might sound obvious but when you see that list in writing, it can help to put things into perspective a little.
We didn’t print your job details, but from what you said about it, it is obvious that you are very creative, talented and flamboyant. I think you might good at presenting or hosting a youtube channel….a clean one of course! Success is the biggest buzz of all and the best distraction from unhealthy addictions. The attention you receive online is fleeting and the buzz you get from responses quickly washes away leaving you hungry for me. Your brain is basically trying to get that next dopamine hit in a way that is similar to when addicts take cocaine.
The buzz and ‘attention’ you would receive from having your work acknowledged would last a lot longer. Would putting your energy into a new project be a better use of your resources?
By all means have fun and enjoy yourself, but not to the point you risk losing the things that matter to you.
You used the phrase ‘in the closet’ and I may be reading between the lines but I feel that you are not happily married. Remember, only you have the power to change your life and live it the way you want to. There is no need to just accept your circumstances if you are unhappy. Make a positive change and be who you want to be.
Wishing you the best.
Ink Is My Kink!
Hello Kaz, I love getting tattoos on my body and my fella loves it too. I’m thinking of getting one on my vagina but I’m a little nervous. Will it increase the pleasure and should I shave regularly whilst I’m am being tattooed?
Janie, Milton keynes
Having a tattoo won’t increase sensation in your vagina (other than being a bit sore whilst you are healing, so you won’t derive actual physical pleasure from it. I imagine that you and your fella may find it aesthetically pleasing, which can be a big turn on. If you want to increase pleasure in your vagina getting a piercing in the hood could be a possible option to consider.
With regards to shaving, if you are doing this regularly you’ll want to make sure that you moisturise regularly and use a nappy rash cream or Sudocream to avoid razor rash and lumps and bumps. It’s not a good idea to tattoo straight onto irritated skin, so you’ll want to look after your lady garden, prune and hydrate the area and keep it well tended!
Do make sure that you find a tattooist that has experience of tattooing in this area and make sure the standards of hygiene are top notch.
Frith Street in Soho has a very good reputation and is known to have celebrity clientele, so it may be worth contacting them and asking a few questions to see if they are right for you. Jolie Rouge on Caledonian Road is a well respected establishment and it seems that they are willing to tackle projects that other tattooists will not consider. It’s worth ringing round a few and asking what they can do for you. Whoever you choose, be sure to google them and check out the reviews too so you can be sure you are in good hands.