Boys Will be Boys
Hi there Kaz,
I’m having a problem with a friend of my sons. For the last few months he has been at our flat a lot due to his parents going through a messy divorce. He has always been close to my youngest son who is 14 and he is 15.
I’m a single mother and I’m 39. I feel that he has become besotted with me and I have had to start refusing to have him over unless it’s super important. I have not told his mother the reason for this because she is going through enough already.
I first started to think something was not right when we all went swimming together. I felt a few pinches on my behind and then I had to stop wearing skirts around him as he was always trying to look up them and it made me feel uncomfortable. I had to start dressing down when he was around and in the last few weeks I have noticed items of underwear have gone missing. I don’t want to get him in trouble as he is a super kid but things are stressing me out and I hate to lie to his mom about why I can’t have him over as often. I saw you on twitter and thought why not email you.
Love Katie xx
Dear Katie
This does sound like an awkward situation indeed.
Teenage boys are very impressionable and often develop crushes on their role models, it is part of growing up. However, his behaviour is unacceptable and he needs to be taught that is unacceptable to grope or gawp at women. What happens now whilst his young teenage brain is developing is paramount to the kind of adult he will grow into. I think to ignore the problem and ask him not to come over is effectively sweeping the matter under the carpet. As an influential adult, you need to enforce strong boundaries and make him aware that is actions are intolerable and that you will not entertain it.
I understand that you have reservations about speaking to the boy’s mother which may cause her anguish and embarrassment for the son. He is most certainly pushing the boundaries and trying to see what he can get away with. I suggest you sit down with him and tell him that you think he is a good lad but that his behaviour is inappropriate, women are not sex objects to touch without permission and that it needs to stop. Once he realises that you won’t tolerate this behaviour he should stop pushing. If however this behaviour continues, then I am afraid you will need to talk to his mother. If this randy teen doesn’t learn now how to deal with women, then he may develop predatory ways as an adult, which could affect his career and relationships. He obviously admires you a great deal and I think it is better that you speak to him first and deal with the situation before going the parental route.
Good luck and I’m sure it will all turn out fine.
A Real Bummer!
Dear Kaz,
I recently came home early from work and caught my husband with a dildo in his back passage. I’m worried he might be gay and living a lie! I have barely been able to look him in the face since this happened and he hasn’t said much to me. I’m worried that our marriage may fall apart. How do I get over this and is there any hope? He is 42 and I am 39. We both have good jobs and a good love life…up till now! I thought we were happy!
Safia, Stoke On Trent
Dear Safia,
It is fairly common these days for men to experiment with sex toys. Most sex toy brands manufacture adult toys for straight men as well for gay men, women and couples.
I really don’t think that using a sex toy indicates that your husband is gay, however if there have been any other factors to indicate this then you should speak to him and find out. I would hazard a guess that he was simply indulging in a little bit of harmless fun and he is probably mortified to be caught with his pants down!
You say that your love life is good and there is no reason that this discovery should change this. Perhaps toys are an element you and your partner could enjoy together in the bedroom and you might find that it adds a new spark, but only if you are comfortable with this.
Speak to your husband and encourage him to share his thoughts with you. I am sure being more open with each other can only bring you closer together.
This Is Just Pants!
Dear Kaz,
I have done something daft. My neighbour asked me to help move some furniture last week so I went around to her house to help. I’m happily married but I admit to finding my neighbour attractive. She is busty and a bit of a stunner although I’d never cheat on my wife.
When she left the room to make tea I spotted a pair of her panties drying and without thinking, I just pocketed them! Unfortunately, as I did so she popped her head back around the door to ask how many sugars I wanted and spotted me doing so! Her face dropped in shock and I mumbled “Two sugars please” then shortly after made my excuses to leave. I feel so ashamed of myself and have a constant sinking feeling in my chest after being caught red handed! I’m worried she thinks I’m a pervert or may tell my wife. What should I do?
Keiran, 28, Holyhead.
Dear Keiran,
I am sure I don’t need to lecture you about taking property that doesn’t belong to you and I am sure you are ashamed enough of your actions already.
I think you need to own up and apologise to your neighbour, she deserves that in the least. Return the panties if you haven’t done so already, tell her how genuinely sorry you are and not just at being caught! Be prepared to take on the chin whatever she has to say and hopefully she will see the funny side of things! A small token of your remorse such as a box of chocolates will probably be gratefully received and I’m sure this sticky situation should blow over soon enough.
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