Barmy Husband’s Acting Out!


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Dear Kaz,

I hope you can offer me some advice as I am getting sick to death of my husband’s role play fetish. A couple of months ago, I suggested we try a role play after reading in a magazine that it can spice up your love life. To start with we did a teacher/student role play and it has built from there.

It was fun to start with, but now I feel as if my hubby is a bit too into it if you know what I mean. He wants to do these elaborate, lengthy role plays and throws all his energy into his monologue. Last time, he wanted to play a man who had been cheated on and the plan was for me to talk about the imagery fun I’d had whilst we had sex. He ended up sobbing in the corner though!

We’ve tried different role plays but it always turns into a court room drama! If ever I try to push things along, he tells me “Not to break out of role!”

This is beyond a joke. I love a little kink in the bedroom, but I don’t want to feel as if I’m on a Hollywood drama series every time I enter the bedroom. How do I tackle this?

My husband was recently made redundant. Do you think it has anything to do with this?

Jane, Bedfordshire, 43

Dear Jane,

It sounds as if your partner is struggling to express himself in daily life and he is using your bedtime antics to blow off some steam. I think it’s highly likely that your husband’s recent redundancy probably has a lot to do with how he is feeling, and why his behaviour has changed recently.

Of course, he could just be extremely passionate about acting, in which case you should sign him up for some amateur dramatics lessons! I think he’d have a blast!

I suspect the issues run much deeper though and your husband is looking for a coping mechanism, to deal with his insecurities. Often when men are made redundant from a job they have been committed to for years, they feel suddenly lost and struggle with their identity, and this could be what is happening to your partner.

When you enter a role play, you wear a mask and pretend to be someone else. Perhaps your husband is not comfortable being himself right now and is hiding behind an alter ego. Sobbing at bed time though is a little extreme and an indicator that the underlying issues need to be dealt with rapidly. It’s hardly sexy either is it!

I feel you need to encourage your husband to open up about what is bothering him. It’s very easy to push psychological issues below the surface and ignore them, but that won’t help in the long run.

Try and talk to your husband and find out if he is feeling depressed. If he confirms this, then I suggest you both book him a visit to see your local GP, who will be able to offer a range of treatments and advice.

Head over to to read more of Mistress Kaz’s articles about fetish. Follow her on Twitter @KazBxx and don’t forget to e-mail your problems to


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