How Do I Move Forward And Put This Behind Me?


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Dear Kaz,


I have an embarrassing problem that I am not sure how to deal with. The other week my wife Alice agreed to try anal sex, but only if I agree to let her use a strap-on dildo on me. It seemed like a laugh and I was quite turned on by the idea so I agreed. The experience was enjoyable but now I am feeling guilty about it.


The problem is my wife’s friend came over for drinks and she cracked one liners all evening at my expense ‘Ted’s a bit anal isn’t he’, ‘here comes rear of the year’, ’bottoms up’ and ‘Alice got the bum deal!’ was pretty much the tone of the evening. It was so obvious that my wife had told her about the strap-on! She even slapped my backside at one point and yelled ‘Giddy up!’


I wish my wife had just kept this to herself instead of giggling with her mate like a silly teenager. I’m thinking of telling her I don’t want her friend to come over again but then I don’t want to be the bad guy. What do I do?

Ted, 35, Sutton Coldfield

Agony 7218

Dear Ted,


A lot of couples experiment with sex toys and strap-ons. It’s human nature to explore and discover what turns us on. You have no reason to feel bad about opening yourself up to a sexual journey of discovery with your wife. I do understand though that you may feel hurt or betrayed when something you considered to be private became a hot trending topic!


Your wife’s friend probably sees this banter as harmless fun and I doubt she means any offence by it. Still, it’s not nice to be the butt of all the jokes and I can see why you may feel a little upset that your wife shared intimate details with her friend.


Men and women have very different attitudes towards talking about sex with their peers. Men generally approach sexual discussion in a more macho manner with less detail, whereas some women share more intimate details with their closest friends. It’s a form of female bonding to share emotional experiences, even when it’s of a sexual nature.


It would be reasonable to ask your wife not to confide in her friends in future when it comes to private matters. Ask her how she would feel if you shared explicit detail of your sex lives with your friends and they cracked jokes about it? She most likely hasn’t considered that it may cause you embarrassment and upset.


With regards to the friend, there are two tactics that you can use. Number 1 does take some balls though. When she next brings the topic up, start talking about it in excruciating detail and be sure to make it as unappealing a story as possible! Even go as far to offer to go and fetch the strap-on and give her a detailed analysis of the biology of it. She’ll most likely be trying to bleach her ears out and running for the hills before you have a chance to finish your sentence! If it turns out that she is a tougher cookie to crack than you thought, you’ll need to consider tactic number 2, which is simply to turn the other cheek, smile and walk away next time she cracks a joke.  Jokers love to be the centre of attention and if she gets no reaction at all then she’ll soon get bored of arsing around and find a new target for her comedy routine.

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