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Jack from Bristol writes:
I’ve been married to my wife for over 20 years and I love her dearly. I have a secret life though that she knows nothing about! When my wife goes to her sisters for the weekend, I love to dress up in her clothes and shoes and parade around the house wearing them! However, recently I have also started to visit fetish clubs too and my wife doesn’t have a clue. Should I tell her?
It must be extremely distressing to keep a secret that is clearly so important to you from your significant other. It’s also very hard to get away with living a double life for very long. If you choose not to tell your wife, then you do run the risk of getting caught out, which would most likely be far more damaging to the relationship than if she hears it from you.
If you truly love one another and you feel that your wife is likely to support you, then I suggest that you start to introduce her to the world of fetish slowly, gently and with sensitivity.
You could perhaps start by admitting that you would love to wear an item of hers, knickers or stockings and ask her how she would feel about you wearing one of them when you next make love. Take things slowly and don’t rush this process. If she came home to find you fully dressed and you blurted everything out at once, then she may feel hurt that you had kept this side of your life from her for so long. I believe a lot of women in this position would feel that they didn’t really know you after all.
I fully recommend that you be honest with her, but take it step by step. You may find that it enriches both of your sex lives and brings you closer in the relationship. Â
Tom from Holborn writes:
I’m a 26 year old banker and my job is extremely stressful at times. To let off steam and forget the pressure of work I visit kinky clubs where I can wear tight rubber suits. I find it incredibly exciting and it relieves my day to day tension. Recently I was spotted by a friend who works at my Bank at one of these clubs. Now I am terrified that they will tell my boss and I feel embarrassed and ashamed. Should I confess all to my employer? Or should I speak to my friend and beg him not to mention it?
I really emphasise with your situation. It must feel awful to have this kind of thing hanging over your head. Normally, I would advise that honesty is the best policy. However, whilst I truly admire your courage, on this occasion I am not convinced that coming clean to your boss is the best course of action.
Firstly, what you do in your private life is your business and no one else’s. As long as your work and your private life is kept separate, you should not feel that you have to justify your private life to anyone.
As for mentioning it to your friend and asking him to keep your secret, how close are you? If he is a good friend then he would not dream of compromising your trust. Which brings me to another point. You say that your friend was at the same fetish club when he spotted you, so it seems that he was their for similar reasons to you. Perhaps he is feeling just as embarrassed as you are right now. Rather than ask him to stay quiet about your secret, next time you can catch him in private, give him a cheeky wink or a grin and say “Good night the other night wasn’t it?” then walk away before he has chance to respond and leave the ball in his court.
This shows him that you have nothing to hide so he has nothing to gain from outing you if that is his intention. Furthermore, if he is feeling embarrassed too, then this will most certainly lighten the mood and break the ice between you.
I wish you the best Jack. Stay proud and don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed of your preferences.
Leonard from Paddington writes:
Hi Kaz, I’m a 30 year old closet homosexual who loves to dress up in fetish gear. Last week I decided to bite the bullet and wear my secret stash of fetish clothes to Gay Pride – loud and proud!
It was a wonderful feeling to feel like I finally belonged somewhere and express my true identity. The only downside to this was that I got extremely overheated wearing head to toe rubber. Can you advise me on how to stay cool when wearing kinky costumes?
Firstly, congratulations on finding the courage to reveal the real you! Gay Pride is a wonderful event that supports diversity and the LGBT community and a great place to meet like minded people that will support you.
I can completely relate to how hot it gets wearing fabrics like rubber and latex and understand the need to try and combat overheating. I always use a good antiperspirant on my body and use lots of talcum powder inside my latex and rubber. This reduces sweating which will help you feel more comfortable. I would advise against shaving your pubic area before you wear rubber as the rubber will cling and attach itself more securely to a smooth surface.
Needless to say, you should drink lots of water and avoid drinking alcohol to an excess as this will dehydrate you further.
Focus on cooling your pulse points to cool you down quickly. The two most accessible pulse points when dressed in rubber will most likely be your wrists and neck. Run each wrist under cold water for a minute each or apply ice wrapped in a tissue or towel to these points for a quick refresher.
There really is no need to compromise your fetish for comfort if you follow these tips.
Finally, if you have a long journey back home, always pack some light loose clothing that you will be comfortable in.
Enjoy and keep wearing those sexy rubber outfits!
Mistress Kaz B
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