Are You Still Single?


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I’ve been a bit of a crazy cat lady for the past few years, loving life, partying and enjoying the freedom of being a single pringle after spending the majority of my adult life engaged and raising children since my teens. In a way it made me almost reluctant to use the word ‘relationship’ when getting to know somebody again for fear of getting hurt, used or risking the loss of my independence and freedom, so I’ve kind of always made excuses and reasons as to why I’m certainly not marriage material and should definitely just keep things casual with somebody – like, forever… until it eventually ends and nobody knows about it. It sounds so much stranger when you say it out loud.

Who needs to put a ‘thing’ into a box anyway? Why should we have to classify spending time with somebody as dating, seeing or becoming Facebook official? I find it all so bizarre and unnerving to define spending time with somebody, yet I easily get hundreds of messages a day from my social media followers asking if I’m dating and I actually pause to think about how to answer them now because bizarrely I think I might not be single without even realising it.

TK 20 (2)

So I’ve been spending some time with, lets name him Mr F shall we, and I’ve just asked him what he’d like me to address him as and he suggested “sex slave, toy boy or lover” as he’s a whole four months younger than me and I guess that’s actually a pretty accurate description. Realising that we’re spending an ever-increasing amount of time together and seeing as we go to the gym together, cook and eat dinner together, are probably naked 95% of our time together and message each other daily I thought it would be fun to see how well he actually knows me with a couples quiz. Oh my god, are we even a couple!? Shut the front door! Since when?

I sheepishly copied and pasted a quiz template to him on WhatsApp fully expecting him to decline answering because it’s such a mushy thing to do but to my surprise he agreed to take it and I have to confess I felt a little nervous as to what his answers would be. So here it is and I’ll let you decide how well he’s done as I hurry off to inspect the grouting of my fortress walls…

What is my favourite colour? Blue – correctish, I sway between blue, red and orange for some unknown reason. Although I’m considering getting blue ink for my first ever colour tattoo!

Do I have any birthmarks?  If so, where? On your right arm – I had two moles removed on my right arm which have left a little scar but my birth mark is on my left breast, not an angle you’d be likely to see!

What colour are my eyes? Blue – correct, so sweet of you to notice.TK 20

Do you remember the first thing I said to you? I’ve never said this before, but I want your babies – absolute bullshit but this really made me laugh!

Where did we meet? Hard to say, between the pub and the bedroom? – yeh, we’ll go with that, thanks for not being a serial killer! Seriously!

If I were stranded on a desert island and allowed one luxury item, what would it be? I would say vibrator but I am pretty sure you use your hand. I would say your hand then. Or leggings/boobtube – I think taking your hand is already a given, but I’d definitely take a sex toy if I’m going to be out of my house for longer than a lunch break. As much as I love my funky leggings and sports bras if I didn’t have them then I’d happily rock around naked all day instead!

What was your first impression of me? Confident – aww! It was probably the wine to be fair!

What is my middle name? Margarine – good guess… it’s actually Teresa Mary, Catholic cliche alert!

What is one of my fears? I know it’s not spiders. Abstinence? – I saved you from a spider a few days ago actually so you know firsthand how brave I am! Is sex 11 times a day too much to ask? I don’t think I could survive without it I’d have far too much excess energy!

What is one of my dreams? Marry me – shh and get back into your cage sex slave, you haven’t finished doing your time yet and promotions don’t just grow on trees!

What is my best feature? Personalities – why on earth is this plural!? Please be a typo! Wait…who said that?

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? I would say follow rules – correct, as wild as I am I’m a very good girl at heart

What’s your favourite memory of me? Probably too inappropriate to put on here but when you suck my cock and I tell you jokes to make you laugh – it definitely makes me salivate!

If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be? Milkshaker – I’ll take that! ;)

What’s my favorite type of music? Pop – I kind of like all music, but has to be 50 Cent in the bedroom!

Am I shy or outgoing? Outgoing – after everything we’ve done I knew there’s no way you’d call me shy!

What is one thing I need to improve on? Becoming a meat eater again – wait a minute, you said you’re turning vegan for me!?

Do I have any special talents? Open a beer with her boobs (I reckon she can) – 100%, they also prevent me from drowning so it’s a win win situation!

What is your favourite body part on me?  Why? Her heart because it’s beneath those mammoth breasts – WTF!? I’m actually laughing, I do love my big boobs especially when they’re covered in baby oil!TK 20 (1)

Can you read me by looking into my eyes? Yes. Not hard to! – I guess I’m an open book and eye contact is pretty enticing!

Do I prefer simple or luxurious? Simple – always, I’m a country girl born and bred, I’ll take log fires and fresh apples over Lamborghinis and diamonds any day!

What is my favourite type of food? Curry – correct, I’ll make sure I keep the chillies out for you Mr ICoughWhenIHaveSpice!

What grade was I in when I had my first kiss? 6th – correct, I was so nervous I almost fell over!

What size shoe do I wear? 7 – correct, shoe shopping together last week definitely helped with that one!

Where was our first public kiss? maybe gym? – correct, right after I crept up behind you and stuck my finger up your bum when you were doing a bent over row and couldn’t escape, you scream like a girl!

What is my favourite type of flowers? Roses – correct, I’ve now got 5 tattoo’d onto me, I get a new tattoo each weekend just so you’ll cream me up!

Do I prefer coffee or tea? Tea – correct, green tea or lemon and ginger are my favourite

French vanilla or mocha? Vanilla – correct, I have a French Vanilla candle on my bedside table and it smells absolutely divine

Upon taking a final exam, would I study or cram and use cliff notes? Study – now I’d study because my memory is absolutely horrendous but as a student I always winged it!

When I get a sweet tooth, do I go for chocolate or sugary candy? Sugary candy – correct, my weakness are love hearts, violets and skittles, dammit now I’m drooling!

Am I right or left handed? Right – correct, I still laugh at you being left-handed, it’s so odd to do everything the opposite way!

If I had to lose one of my five senses, what would it be? Smell – correct, especially when I follow you into the bathroom after dinner, I can’t believe you tried to blame the kitten!

What is my favourite holiday? Sun – correct, I love a bikini and adventure and sun is my second favourite s-word!

What was the first thing you ever gave me? Orgasm – correct, technically it was! The flowers were pretty incredible too!

Where was our first picture together taken? Still waiting! – correct, oddly I never take selfies with anybody I date! You hold the camera and I’ll stick a finger up your bum!

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