Hilarious D**k Henna

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Henna is the epitome of festival fashion each summer and seeing as warmer weather is fast approaching we thought it would be nice to doodle some pretty henna designs onto our arms as my 10yr old daughter loves my tattoos and is always asking for safe temporary alternatives that she can try out. Henna is pretty much the same as using a permanent marker, it’s a plant based dye that you mix with water and draw onto to the skin in any pattern that you like. The black dye stains the skin much like a tattoo, but just on the surface, with the results typically lasting a couple of weeks.TK 20418

After drawing a pretty floral design onto my daughters arm my boyfriend asked if he could give me a henna tattoo and I raised an eyebrow. We have a very cheeky sense of humour and frequently try to draw d**ks onto each other with face paints, pencils and whatever stationary we have to hand. I suspected he was up to his usual phallic tricks so offered him the inside of my arm where it wouldn’t be as noticeable and told him to make it nice and small.TK 20418 (1)

Henna takes around 30-40mins to set into the skin once applied and can easily smudge before it dries. After the drying period is over you simply wash the loose dye off with warm water and the colour develops over the next 48hrs to show the final results. Knowing the setting time I tactically planned to wash the design off as soon as it was complete so that my boyfriend could think he was getting one up on me but in fact it wouldn’t set.Teens 1.00

Needless to say he doodled a huge d**k onto the full length of my arm as I was already expecting, along with hairy balls, throbbing veins and a woman with her mouth open saying “yum!” with a steaming poo above it. To be fair it was quite artistically inventive and told a good story! He literally laughed himself off of his chair as he was doing it and as soon as it was complete he backtracked and declined having a henna of his own – my retaliation would have been a huge hairy vagina of course – and so I immediately ran to the sink to wash it off. The dye literally rinsed away in seconds as his comedic cackling turned to a frown – that’s what you get for not playing fair!TK 20418 (2)

But it seems that he did in fact have the last laugh after all as we must have mixed the henna pretty strong because that evening it started to show up on my arm as my nice pale white skin was the perfect canvas for black ink. I noticed the guzzling “yum” face first followed by the rest of the scene and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. It’s been days since he did it and I’ve literally soaked in the bath for hours on end and scrubbed my arm to pieces in the shower but it just won’t come off. Every time I move my arm I’m greeted by a porn scene which is going to be pretty obvious in a bikini seeing as we go on holiday in less than a week; I’m plotting my revenge to doodle a giant vagina on his back in sunblock and then we’ll call it even!

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