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Dear Kaz,
I am leading a double life. I have been with my partner for 5 years and he is a great guy, but we have lost the spark and barely even have sex nowadays. He seems more interested in watching viral videos on his phone than having a conversation. Lately he has started to make hints about marriage and I can’t think of anything worse than being trapped in a stale, loveless relationship.
Yesterday I was putting his socks away when I noticed a small velvet box in his drawer. I couldn’t resist having a sneaky peak and I was shocked to discover an engagement ring inside. He’s booked a table for Valentine’s day….at the local pub! Not exactly what I would have my heart sent on. It seems like we are worlds apart in our expectations and I’m worried he plans to propose during the meal!
This is where it gets really complicated. Recently I started chatting to a guy online and we were talking about spanking. The thought of it really turns me on and I’m tempted to meet this guy, of course in a public place first! I don’t think I’d be having these thoughts if I was happy in my relationship but I feel like I’m wasting my life on someone who has no interest in my happiness. What happens when the big moment comes and he proposes? Please help!
Darla, 32, Brockenhurst
Dear Darla,
The question is how do you feel about your partner? Is it worth fighting for the relationship? Given that he is planning to propose to you, I would hazard a guess that he believes that relationship is going swimmingly well!
Rushing into marriage is not something I would advise. I think the kindest thing would be to admit to him that you found the ring and that you just aren’t ready for this level of commitment. This is the perfect opportunity to air your concerns about the relationship and give your partner a chance to take your comments on board. Also, this will avoid the unpleasant situation of your partner being rejected in public and feeling humiliated.
If you feel that you still love your partner then it is worth communicating this to him but be firm and insist upon some changes. Perhaps introduce a weekly date night for the two of you with no children, pets or phones to interrupt your time together. Take it in turns to choose the venue and activity and keep an open mind to new ventures. It may transpire that you find there are things you really enjoy doing together.
I do not think it would be wise to meet the chap you have been speaking to online, at least not until you have decided what to do about your current situation. I feel that it would only serve to complicate the situation, confuse your emotions and leave you feeling worse than you did before. Things are not always as they seem and men in particular like to blow their own trumpets online and say what you want to hear. Forsaking your relationship for a casual fling may sound exciting but these things rarely last.
I can understand your desire to indulge in a little kinky play, but nothing beats the emotional connection of a loving partner. You don’t necessarily have to settle for one or the other though. If you feel that you might be able to spice things up with your current partner, why not take the bull by the horns and take a trip to Honour or Ann Summers and surprise him with something indulgent! These stores have a wonderful range of spanking paddles, saucy undies and bondage equipment and you can’t fail to inject a little passion into the relationship if your partner is game.
Wrap up a few treats and give him one before he goes to work in the morning and tell him he can have the rest later. That will have him thinking about you all day long and keep him wondering what you have planned. If he’s a red-blooded male, by the time he gets home he won’t be able to keep his hands off you!
Communication is key. Tell him how you feel and what you want out of the relationship and be prepared to listen to his side of things. He may get defensive so a gentle approach may be beneficial. Sandwich your concerns between two positive statements, for example; “You are a wonderful partner but sometimes I feel neglected when you are on your phone. I want us to work on this though because I care for you deeply.” You get the idea!
Wishing you the best of luck and I hope your Valentine’s Day brings you a wonderful resolution and lots of happiness.
Head over to www.uk-fetish.co.uk to read more of Mistress Kaz’s articles about fetish. Follow on Twitter www.twitter.com/kazbxx and don’t forget to e-mail your problems to [email protected]
