I always told myself that I would never resort to online dating because I’m an old-fashioned girl at heart and have always believed that if something is meant to be then it’s meant to be and the man of my dreams will somehow walk into my life whilst I’m strolling through the park with my cat (yes, he has a harness) or bending over and trimming my bush – every pun intended.
I first discovered Tinder whilst filming a reality TV series earlier this year for Channel 5 called Mind The Age Gap whereby I lived in a mansion for two weeks with individuals of various ages, cultures and beliefs. Finding myself on camera for my first experience of Tinder dating I was shocked at the realisation that I didn’t find any of my dates sexually attractive but nonetheless really enjoyed their company.
I guess I came to realise that the world of dating has changed and the endless images we see of oiled up hunks with six-packs, muscles and tattoos has almost spoiled the charm and chemistry of the everyday Mr Nice-Guy. Much like models are adored for their long legs, big breasts and blonde hair when you come home to a plain Jane girlfriend slaving over a hot stove and stressing about bills it kind of kills the magic – but that’s life, we’re all Joe Bloggs and we’ll always daydream and fantasise about somebody else.
The last time I officially dated was when I was 19 – eek! Back in 2007 the world of dating was a much easier place because you did it face to face, got to know somebody and declared yourself as boyfriend/girlfriend within hours of meeting one another. There was no texting and sexting other people, no hiding phones or secretly liking pictures on social media, just straight forward dating, love and relationships. Sure I’ve dated for years at a time since I became single 4yrs ago, but dating now isn’t actually dating anymore it’s called seeing how it goes which basically means “I’ll sleep with you until somebody better comes along” and the world has just accepted it. Good times!
I’ve spent the last few years seeing how it goes and whilst I had everything I needed to feel content within a relationship I didn’t feel the security of an official relationship and that’s what’s drastically lacking in todays society. So after friends reminded me for the millionth time of the essence of Tinder I decided to give it a second chance, this time quashing the attempt of finding myself a nice guy who leaves me sparkless and instead seeing how it goes with absolute eye-candy in the hope that it will satisfy my craving for a spark and leave me emotionally hollow allowing me to feel safe and loved by a nice guy again.
It turns out a lot of men these days are offended by the word ‘fuckboy’ which I’m sure has many definitions but in a nutshell is a disrespectful guy who only wants to get laid and will say and do anything to get what he wants. Now I don’t judge people on their motives as I say each to their own and we all have needs and different outlooks on life; I have nothing against fuckboys, but they’re pretty good at pulling on a suit and using manners to be a wolf in sheeps clothing to get what they want before revealing their true colours.
Talking to fuckboys on Tinder is however absolutely hilarious and I find an almost familiarity in their actions as they swerve commitment and avoid love at all costs. I’m somewhat a crazy cat lady, burned by past love and suspicious of true faithfulness because I’ve been cheated on and lied to so badly in the past which has raised my walls and made me very guarded towards men. In a way I’ve almost become a fuckboy myself, just minus being an actual guy and I don’t screw people over – but my heart is definitely on hold and I certainly enjoy sex. I’m surprised at how at ease I am with fuckboys.
I was hoping that Tinder would show me that hot guys are arseholes and real men still exist, that my knight in shining armour is out there ready and waiting to sweep me off of my feet so that I can counteract his sweep and put him on his arse instead and then straddle him with a can of whipped cream and handcuffs (vegan alternative of course). But in fact Tinder has shown me that what I understood as true love, commitment, dedication and a life long relationship no longer exists in todays society, that we’re a throw away nation of quick fixes and forever chasing lust and everybody fears growing old and being unloved. In hindsight I’m far happier staying single rather than looking for the perfect combination of love, lust and loyalty. Tinder is basically the McDonald’s of dating; where I’d prefer to have a romantic candlelit evening, good conversation and a meeting of minds sometimes you just crave a bit of junk food and find yourself hitting the drive-thru once, twice or maybe three times a night! 