NHS gears up for Mental Health overload

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DAILY SPORT EXCLUSIVE

In these trying times the NHS mental health departments are on standby as many vulnerable young men and women who have never experienced hairy bodies will be forced outside of their comfort zones as they explore for The Holy Grail.

Beauty Salons and Hairdressers along with nail parlours and tanning shops are closed during the Coronavirus lockdown.  Hair removal from the body and face along with the cutting and shaping of hair has stopped . Healthy glows are not allowed whilst nails will turn into claws.

Your bed partner will change for a beautifully groomed sex object to a hairy unkempt beast. Those easy to find spots will be hidden behind clumps of wild and woolly hair. The hair of an Adonis will not only grow wild but it may change colour during these exceptional circumstances.

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Young men will be exposedto  bushes the like of which have been hidden since 1970’s Health Magazines stopped publication. Partners will be unrecognisable as newly grown claws will cause deep scratch marks in previously soft moisturised bodies.

An NHS spokesperson is quoted ‘the new thick bushes are causing problems to the young as they loose all sense of direction in their quest for lust. This will cause many to lose control of their bodily functions as fear of the unknown kicks in and they will become a new problem of the NHS’

Rumour is that each NHS Trust is setting aside hundreds of beds for theses lost souls.

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