Our CASH STRAPPED NHS is struggling to cope with a RISE in injured SKINT PERVERTS who need surgery to REMOVE the weirdest items from the HOLES only a few weeks ago the mass media when into a FRENZIE after a guy had to have a WWII shell removed from his BACK PASSAGE just when you thought things were bad enough, your DAILY SPORT brings you the story of Jean from Pontefract who has had to have a SPUNKY PUP ‘THE HYDRANT’ dog chew which can be filled with peanut butter removed after getting it stuck up her FANNY.
BRITAIN’S TIGHTEST C**T
Doctors took 3 hours and a great deal of CASH which could be better spent helping Jean out of her predicament.
After the incident was reported online it spread VIRALLY with one commentator DUBBING her ‘BRITAIN’S TIGHTEST C**T’
SKINT PERVS SWITCH TO PET TOYS
We spoke to a leading PET industry expert who said since AUSTERITY we’ve seen more and more SKINT PERVS switching to all manner of PET TOYS as SEX AIDS, why is that we asked [Silly question] and the reply was ‘They are large, made of safe rubber and are relatively CHEAP to buy’
NHS IN CRISIS
We contacted NHS England for figures on how many such cases they’ve seen in the past year but they declined to comment.