Government social distancing rules have BANNED swinging in lifts

Yes another one of our vital FREEDOMS has been eroded by DRACONIANS laws brought in under the guise of the COVID19 pandemic, as SOCIAL DISTANCING rules have imposed a BAN on LIFT SWINGERS……

What are LIFT SWINGERS? I hear you ask…… Well the craze started in HAMBURG, Germany a few years back during winter when DOGGERS found it too cold and wet to partake in their SEXUAL pastime and decided to go indoors and SWING in public lifts, hence the term LIFT SWINGERS. However new restrictions brought in during the GLOBAL PANDEMIC have made the pursuit illegal as no one from another household is now permitted in a lift.

Car Parks and other public spaces have put up signs and one council has TAKEN ON more Covid Marshalls to police it’s lifts in a BID to thwart the CRAZE.

We spoke to one LIFT SWINGER Mick from Gloucester who said “It’s a bloody JOKE, the only thing I want to spread is a birds legs not a VIRUS.”

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General secretary of NUDS [The National Union of Doggers & Swingers] Gerry O’Sullivan speaking exclusively to Daily Sport said “This is F**KING out of order, we are being persecuted just for having fun, This is just a blatant ATTACK on our members way of life yet again by POLITICIANS that are clearly out of touch with today’s society.”

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