The favourite to have been crowned WANKER of the YEAR at the cancelled Bradford Wanking Festival Joe ‘The Jerk’ Mattison has failed a random DRUGS test in training the WWF [World Wanking Federation] has confirmed.
The positive test came just days after this years contest had to be postponed due to the PANDEMIC and has sent further SHOCK WAVES through the sport.
One athlete took to social media tweeting “There is no place for PED’s in WANKING” with federation president Wilhelm Whigler announcing anyone taking performance enhancing DRUGS will be BANNED for life.
Whigler told Daily Sport “These CHEATS will be BANNED for life and LIFE means LIFE.”
6 times WORLD CHAMPION Joe [Mattison] refused to speak to the press whilst he says he tries to clear his name, however as the picture shows he has some WANKING ARM on him.
A competitor who wanted to remain anonymous speaking EXCLUSIVELY to Daily Sport said “We train HARD all year and these people think they can take DRUGS and steal the title from us.”
Well this drugs SCANDAL will have COME at one of the worst moments possible for the sport with Whilger currently petitioning the IOC [International Olympic Committee] to get WANKING admitted to the 2024 Olympics.
